


The Moment We Can Have

by JuniperJam



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race UK RPF
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Lesbian AU, Light Angst, No beyond useless they’re diabolical, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 20:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30044190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuniperJam/pseuds/JuniperJam
Summary: Lawrence has some bad luck on her date. Her best friend decides to take matters into her own hands to make her feel better.
Relationships: Lawrence Chaney/Ellie Diamond
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	The Moment We Can Have

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a tumblr prompt of “All you had to do was ask”! Thanks @ortega for providing! I hope you enjoy. If you do, please feel free to leave me a comment or a kudos.

Today was shaping up perfectly.

Lawrence let herself feel light as a feather, the summer air like balm on her skin, as she got off the bus in the city and walked to Wagamamas, humming the first tune that came to her mind - _Pink Friday_ , never failed to hype her up - and as she checked her phone, she found she was actually five minutes early for her date. Lawrence was never early, but it gave her time to get comfy and check her eyeliner wasn’t smudging.

She hadn’t expected much from Tinder, after she and Ellie had set up a profile for her a month ago, but after weeding out the _‘looking to experiment_ ’ and ‘ _nsa threesome fun_ ’ profiles, there still seemed to be plenty of sapphic potential here. And Lawrence had already had two dates with Helen in the last couple of weeks.

They’d hit it off almost immediately on their first date, and Lawrence’s burgeoning feelings started to deepen on the second; while the third date had been marked in Lawrence’s calendar and booked at an actual restaurant, one that her flatmate Aurora had recommended for a date. It felt significant, like An Actual Event.

Unable to hide her smile, she pulled her phone from her bag.

 **Lawrence:** im here early Helen  
**Lawrence:** looking forward to seeing you xx

She didn’t even mind that two kisses had slipped through her fingers and onto the screen. Romance was blossoming, Lawrence couldn’t help that it was spreading.

Five minutes were plenty of time to go to the bathroom and check her lipstick, tug her dress back down where it had slid up over her hips, give a couple of pouty poses in the mirror, send a quick selfie to Ellie, and be in the chair at the pre-booked table by six. She even felt brave enough to order herself a wine with the green tea, savouring it as she waited for Helen to arrive.

But Helen … didn’t.

Ten minutes passed, then fifteen, but her date was nowhere in sight, and no messages came through.

After twenty five minutes had crawled by excruciatingly slowly, she unlocked her phone for the hundredth time to see if Helen had sent her a message. There wasn’t one there, but Lawrence saw that her own last messages had been read, at 5.58pm.

 _She’s just late,_ Lawrence said to herself, _just in traffic._

She focused on keeping her breathing calm, not on the growing pit of dread in her stomach.

When it was twenty-five to seven, Lawrence’s face was hot under her foundation, thinking everyone around her could see the humiliation. She’d drained her wine, purposely ignoring the waitress on the other side of the room, whose stare kept drifting to Lawrence, her expression one of utter pity.

Lawrence screwed her eyes tightly shut.

_I’m gonna have to fucking call her, aren’t I? Get it confirmed verbally that she’s ghosting me._

The first two calls rang out, Helen’s voicemail kicking in. The ache in her stomach felt a great deal like wounded pride, and she didn’t care if she looked like a Debbie Desperate.

On the third call, she was cut off after two rings.

As she was about to hit the call button for the fourth time, the death knell came through.

 **Helen:** I don’t think we’re gonna work out lauren   
**Helen:** sorry  
**Helen:** it was great meeting you though  
**Helen:** your gonna make some girl dead happy  
**Helen:** I wish you all the best x

——

After the messages had come, she’d paid for her drink, her gaze fixed to the ceiling, while the well-meaning-but-cringing waitress gave her a verbal pat on the head cooing “you didn’t need that, you deserve much better, plenty more fish, bla bla” and a few other words that Lawrence couldn’t fathom. Once it was done, she marched back out into the city, with her head as defiantly high as her neck would allow. 

She wouldn’t cry over a woman who couldn’t even dignify her ghosting with a reason.

The summer air, which before invigorated Lawrence, was now sticky on her skin, sour in her mouth.

She couldn’t look at the message again, she couldn’t, but her brain had already memorised the words, and they spun in a whirlwind, echoing over and over.

Lawrence loved words, and used them to her advantage, to make people laugh and to cheer people up; but she had always known they were a double-edged sword. They were barbs that had plagued her through school, that stayed with her, stuck on her skin; that she now wore in plain sight for her own power. 

But the messages just set off her overactive mind, analysing every meaning that she knew in her heart wasn’t there. She hated that she could wear words with pride against people who had hurt her with them in the past, but that internally she still found the rejection feeding into her self-doubt, wondering if there really was just something _wrong_ with her.

While Lawrence was on the bus home, drowning in thoughts, Ellie’s response to the selfie she’d sent earlier came through on her phone, her phone vibrating in her hand. 

**Ellie:** wtf   
**Ellie:** loz u have NO business bein that tasty xx  
**Ellie:** have fun!!  
**Ellie:** shes a lucky woman xx

Something about Ellie’s approval started that familiar tingle in her chest, the same one Lawrence had felt way back on New Years’, after a good amount of cheap vodka and party giggles, when Ellie’s face had been far too close to hers to be coincidence ...

_No. Don’t go there again._

Ellie’s boyfriend hadn’t been too pleased. On the other hand, he hadn’t _ever_ been too happy when Lawrence was around Ellie full stop, not in all of the two years she’d known her.

_Thank fuck they split up last month. Even the bin men would struggle with that sack of shite._

Lawrence swallowed down the lump forming in her throat and typed a response.

 **Lawrence:** got ghosted  
**Lawrence:** ffs  
**Ellie:** WHAT  
**Ellie:** THE  
**Ellie:** u dont deserve that im sorry xx

The great thing about having Ellie as a best friend was that she was always full of infectious energy, but also heart. The tingling in her chest spread down her spine as she reread Ellie’s words over and over, trying to let them settle and calm her. 

Taking a deep breath and exhaling as much negativity as she could, Lawrence typed out her reply.

 **Lawrence:** gonna go home  
**Lawrence:** settle for a threesome with Ben & Jerry

Just more words to send to people to show them that Lawrence was indestructible, words that were a smoke screen to disguise the blow to her self-confidence from this evening. 

It would make Ellie laugh. But Lawrence couldn’t even force her lips into a smile. 

——

Aurora was out tonight, so Lawrence was alone in the flat. She had changed out of her going-out clothes, put the pint of ice cream on the arm of the sofa, and opened up the Netflix app on the telly before the doorbell rang.

“Oh God, not now,” she muttered, glancing down at the giraffe onesie she’d opted for, and then turning her eyes to the ceiling. “Why, God, why must you do this to me?”

But the bell only sounded once, and Lawrence chose to ignore it.

After a few seconds, when the doorbell sound came through repeatedly this time, each bell on top of the previous one, Lawrence almost threw the spoon across the room. 

A scuffling noise, and her letterbox was pushed open.

“Loz! I know you’re in there, come and answer the door!”

Lawrence knew that accent.

Pulling the hood of the giraffe onesie over her head, she strode to the door to see Ellie, breathless but grinning her usual cheery grin, wrapped in the fluffiest pink coat she owned, a plastic carrier bag rustling at her side.

“D’you mind Els, I’m trying to be a miserable bastard here -“

“Like hell you’re being on your own tonight,” Ellie interrupted, barging past her and through the living room to the kitchen. Lawrence followed her just in time to see her empty her carrier bag, plonking half a bottle of rose in the fridge - the other half she’d presumably already drunk before walking down here - and setting the two frozen pizzas on the kitchen counter.

“Where are your scissors, Loz?”

“I’m not letting you loose with scissors hen, let me sort it out - you go and stick on your onesie too -“

Lawrence breathed a sigh of relief once Ellie had put all kitchen implements down and gone to Lawrence’s room to change, letting Lawrence concentrate on getting the pizzas into the oven. By the time she was done, Ellie had reappeared in the unicorn onesie she always left here, sprawled on the armchair that Lawrence’s flatmate Aurora normally used.

“What d’you fancy watching?”

Ellie made a sound that might have been “I don’t know” if she hadn’t been chewing her nail.

“I was putting on _Nightmare on Elm Street_ again, need some campy horror and some fake blood after getting the _ghost_ today,” Lawrence grinned; Ellie glanced over at her from the armchair and nodded, humming in agreement. 

“You sure? It’s not exactly your usual -“

“Yeah, I like horror films too,” Ellie protested.

“What’s your favourite one, then?”

“ _Nightmare on Elm Street_ ,” Ellie replied, a little quickly. 

It seemed a little strange that she hadn’t mentioned this in two years of knowing her. Ellie’s smile still didn’t quite stretch to her eyes, but Lawrence was too mentally exhausted to argue with whatever bizarre mood she was in.

By the time the pizzas were ready, Lawrence knew that Ellie was just trying to be nice. She’d said she liked horror films, but she was clutching the cushion to her chest, her eyes wide, at the slightest scare. 

This film was one of Lawrence’s favourites because of how _not_ scary she found it, but seeing Ellie looking genuinely terrified sent a twinge of guilt through her gut.

“We can watch something else, Els.”

“What?” Ellie jerked her head round.

“Are you sure you don’t want to turn this off and watch something calmer?”

“No, it’s fine -“

“We don’t have to watch this just because you’re trying to make _me_ happy, you know,” Lawrence interrupted, swinging her legs off the sofa to lean forward and grab the rapidly-melting ice cream. 

Ellie watched her as she did, her eyes lingering on the tub. 

“Is that … Phish Food?”

Lawrence rolled her eyes. “Yes, alright, you can have some too - grab a spoon and come join me on the sofa -“

In no time their legs were tangled together on the sofa, both of them digging their spoons into the Phish Food. Ellie rested her cheek against Lawrence’s shoulder, tugging the blanket over them both, and that was enough for the oh so familiar tingling to tease her spine, spreading back to her chest. 

It was becoming more difficult to focus on the film - not that Lawrence minded, she’d seen it so many times - from the sounds of Ellie’s muted inhales at any slightly scary moment, her free hand finding Lawrence’s and gripping, while she stroked Ellie’s knuckles with her thumb.

Eventually, Ellie seemed to forget to let go.

As nice as it felt to be this near to her, Lawrence found herself overthinking again. She and Ellie were _friends_. Just _friends,_ she repeated firmly to herself. She didn’t need to find her feelings crushed underfoot _twice_ in one day.

But a flash of memory from New Years’ came to mind, and Lawrence would never admit that it replayed in her head often, like her favourite sitcom episode. 

Both of them delirious by midnight, giddy and drunk on vodka and Cards Against Humanity, the air cold but familiar, scented with ice and smoke and Ellie’s cherry shampoo. Fireworks reflected in her blue eyes as they’d leaned into one another for warmth, passing a cigarette that had appeared from somewhere. 

The sound of _If we were ever both single at the same time_ in husky tones, and a purr of agreement, and suddenly Lawrence’s forehead had connected with Ellie’s, her chest fluttering with anticipation, and they’d just -

“Oh my God!” Ellie’s jolt brought Lawrence firmly back to earth, Ellie’s fingers threading back through hers and her face buried in her shoulder.

Lawrence blinked, looking at the screen, to see Johnny Depp being pulled down into the bed and the buckets of fake blood being tossed onto the set. It was normally a scene that made her laugh the most, but now she was holding back her mirth for a different reason altogether.

“This isn’t your favourite film, you’ve never even seen it before, have you!”

The only sound from her shoulder was a muffled groan, and Ellie shaking her head.

“Ellie.” Lawrence couldn’t be irritated at her lack of subtlety, just amused. “If you wanted to get cosy with me, all you had to do was ask.”

“What?” Ellie exclaimed, a full octave higher than usual, her nose and eyes crinkling up in a frown as she lifted her head, but Lawrence was wise to that. Ellie’s poker face was almost as bad as Lawrence’s own, a gentle flush creeping up from her neck to her cheeks.

“Look -“ but Lawrence faltered, trying to find the right words. “If you liked me, why didn’t you just say something when we were making up the Tinder bio for me?”

Ellie shrugged, chewing her lip. “I just - I didn’t want to - what I mean is - ah, I don’t know.” 

“Well, that’s cleared that up. Cheers for being so eloquent, Lanky Legs.”

“I mean -“ Ellie was laughing now, but a hint of nerves still lingered. “All I’m trying to say is … I didn’t want you to think I was … I don’t know, _rebounding_. From - from him. But - I mean, I’m _not_. Not now, anyway. I’ve had time to - you know, get over him. So - yeah.” 

“Ellie -“ Lawrence started to speak, but froze for a second.

 _We could have skipped this whole month! I could have skipped being ghosted by that bitch tonight and - and_ we _could have gone out to Wagamamas instead!_

But she held her tongue on that thought. Ellie’s words made sense - and besides, she’d probably wanted something to focus on making Lawrence feel better to distract from her own breakup.

That was just the way they worked, very differently. Lawrence used her words to make people feel better, and distract people from her own vulnerabilities, while Ellie used a forced smile, lots of pink, and her bubbly energy; trying to focus on making everyone around her feel the happiness that _she_ so desperately wanted to feel. 

So Lawrence just squeezed her hand, and her spine tingled, her chest light as air as Ellie did the same back.

She rested her chin on Lawrence’s shoulder, their faces inches apart, the same cherry shampoo filling the space between them; and Lawrence managed to form a sentence, even as Ellie’s radiant smile at close range tried to thwart her efforts.

“I get it. I do.”

It was Ellie who closed the distance - a first peck on her lips, probably buoyed by the half-bottle of rose in her veins, Lawrence thought; but she leaned back in to kiss Ellie again, to answer the unasked question between them, and she found that she didn’t want to stop once she’d started. 

“Well,” Lawrence murmured as they eventually withdrew, “when I thought about what was going to happen tonight, I didn’t imagine me and you snogging on my sofa while I’m in my giraffe onesie and _Nightmare on Elm Street_ was on in the background. But here we are.”

Ellie spluttered with laughter, shaking her head in exasperation.

“I feel like this is on brand for us. Well, for _you_ ,” Ellie added. 

“For _me_ , eh?” Lawrence put a hand to her chest in feigned indignation. “Are you calling me a weirdo! Bit rich for a woman in a pink unicorn onesie!”

“Bit rich for a woman who immediately wants to make a joke out of kissing someone who’s fancied her for ages in case she’s about to get rejected!”

Lawrence opened her mouth to retort, but the words had vanished from her tongue.

So she just nodded. “Alright. Okay. I’ll give you that one.”

When Ellie’s smile became a little smug, like she’d found a secret, Lawrence tried to sit up. “Hang on, I’ll put on another horror film after this one. Maybe the second film in this franchise, seeing as it’s your _favourite_!”

She grinned wryly at Ellie, who chewed her nail and sighed, finally accepting defeat. “Okay! You win that one. Can we put on something a little _lighter_ now?”

“What, so we can ignore it and kiss some more?”

Ellie couldn’t stop the smile as it lit up her whole face. “Suits me.”


End file.
